Over the last couple years, I’ve written blog posts about possibility, future, good things coming. These are hopeful ideas in a world that too often feels overrun by negative reports and bad news and fear. Sometimes I explore concepts that are new to me, meaning I haven’t quite figured out how they work in my life—which is part of the mystery and excitement. Sometimes I write things because, like affirmations, I’m trying to convince myself of their validity in my life.
Often, when we are close to a breakthrough, all of life conspires to rid us of the new belief or idea we are trying to embrace. For me, this area is finances. As a family of four living on basically one major income, we’re no stranger to tightly balanced budgets. Over the last few years, mostly due to Richard’s yearly bonus cheque, we have managed to take holidays and renovate our home, but generally, we live quite frugally. Our decision to give my business a few years to take off also means I am not out there in the traditional work force earning a regular paycheque that we can count on. Add that to a skyrocketing cost of living (did I mention we are trying to feed two teenagers and their friends?) and we sometimes struggle.
We’ve made some deliberate changes to our belief systems about money, asking ourselves what negative patterns are at work and what we can do to change them. Related to this is my three-month artist’s exploration, lightening my business workload so I have time and energy to write, play the piano, spend time with people I love, create wholesome meals instead of throwing together food on the fly and rushing through it. In short, choosing more strategically how I am going to spend my time.
Then I look at our short-term savings account and the number there isn’t promising. What if it isn’t enough to help our daughter while she is living in Japan? What if we have an emergency? What if, what if, what if?
So I hit the wall of resistance. And fear rears its head and asks: “Who do you think you are, devoting yourself to your art? You need a real job.”
And perhaps I do.
But then I remember my promises to my inner artist that I have so carefully invested in these past three months. And she says something equally compelling: “Just keep on with your art—your writing and your music. When you do that, everything else comes clear. Opportunities come and you see them and step into them. Being true to your inner artist is being true to you.”
So, I take a deep breath and continue down the road that continues to serve me. When I’m centred and at peace, I know what to do, and what centres me is writing and music. So the solution seems obvious. And, for a solution-oriented person like me, that’s a no-brainer.